When thinking about today's class discussion on ritual & the Way, I kept on thinking about the power of words & how we use them. The phrase "How are you?" is used daily, merely in passing & more as a common greeting than an actual question. I believe that in order to be successful in the environment we live in today, New York City especially, this is an essential thing that most seem to pick up on. After reading this article last year I told myself that whenever I would ask that common question to whmoever that I would genuinely want to know the answer, but sometimes even I forget. I just thought it was interesting that the article compares two totally different societies & creates a common link between the two with words. The main point that I was trying to show is that the same phrase is ritualistic in both settings, but contain different motives & meanings behind it. I believe that in New York sometimes fake niceness is used for success while in other places the motives behind questions or kindness can be totally different.
This is a paragraph from the article that I think does a nice job at describing the two societies different responses to the question briefly.
"In my native country, I had enough of eternal lamentations. People would complain any chance they had. They felt almost guilty doing well and were embarrassed to admit it; they wished to be pitied. A New Yorker, even in his saddest moments, when asked how is he doing, would calmly answer, Thank you, I am well. The answer, beyond its formalism, implicitly means he is not sharing his problems with you. Truth be told, this sparse and formal language brings its own kind of alienation. On the other hand, the abuse of strong words (love, happiness, God, etc.) are pretexts to avoid living their meaning profoundly." (Firan)
Read more: http://www.utne.com/arts/power-of-words-zm0z13mazros.aspx#ixzz3H1KEV1oH
I found this very relatable actually. Not even just in New York, but I feel like for most Americans (no matter where we're from, correct me if I'm wrong though) respond with the formal act of niceness instead of being honest about how we're feeling. I think it's a societal defense mechanism of fear of being judged or making someone uncomfortable to hear about issues you're going through. Asking "how are you" always seems to get the same universal answer of "I'm fine", but if anyone comes from a place where that isn't the same feel free to let me know.
ReplyDeleteI also wonder why we always ask the question "How are you?." Are we genuinely interested in knowing how the person is, or do we say it because it has been ingrained in society? Or do we say it in the hope that the other person will ask us as well, and we can tell them about anything exciting that happened in our lives. It’s also interesting how we are not explicitly taught to say this to one another. My parents never told me to ask others how they are doing, rather I picked it up, as I always found myself in the position to answer that question, and never knew how to respond. I wondered whether I should give a two word answer, or if I should put some thought in my response, since the person took the time to ask me. I think the question has now been thrown out into society, and it has lost a bit of its meaning.
ReplyDeleteDo we think that in the future & with the progression of society that the saying will become more meaningless or more meaningful? In my opinion, I think that the saying "actions speak louder than words" will always ring true. With that being said, there could be a shift in the focus on the words that we do use though, especially with the increased concentration that a great education is seen as necessary for success.
ReplyDeleteThinking about your post, Coral, caused me to think of the difference of ritual words in cultures. I am of Indian descent and when speaking my native languages (Gujarati and Hindi) at home, I realized that there is no word for "Hello", it just starts off with "How are you?" And you're right. Often, people answer pretty honestly, because that's just a formal introduction. In New York, asking how are you has become not a greeting, but sort of a formality and no one really wants to know the answer. I found this odd. In a culture where "How are you" is used casually as a greet, most people answer honestly, and here where asking "how are you" is an option, people tend not to honestly answer. I think with the progression of society, I think this saying will become less meaningful in the Western world as least, but I think a new phrase will emerge that is more meaningful that people might start answering honestly to.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's about fake niceness or sincerely being nice. At least for me, the phrase "How are you?" is more of an instinct. When someone says "Hi," I automatically answer something along the lines of "Hi, how are you." Not that I'm really interested in how they're doing, as you stated above, but I just say it. Sometimes that is a conversation starter. Other times, it just deflects back to me and the conversation ends. So it's not always about sincerity, but about instinct.
ReplyDeleteI find that usually, the whole "how are you" formality is very much on the surface and pretty fake. I remember one time when I was on the phone talking to someone I said, "hi, how are you?", to which they replied, "good, and you?" and I said, "great, thanks. How are you?". There is little thought behind these short conversations and unless it's a close friend, the answer is probably going to be the exact same thing. On the street, it's less of a "Hi, how are you?" but instead a statement, "Hi, how are you", leaving the other person no obligation to respond at all. Personally, I think the only reason it exists is because it's a cultural trait. If our parents taught us only to say "hello" and not ask about how the other person is doing, then I'm sure we would only say hello.
ReplyDeleteThe power of words is definitely a concept that has always kind of fascinated humans from our most mundane everyday rituals (saying hi to someone on the street) to prayers and spells in ancient religion. Your post got me thinking not only about saying hi to people on the street and then feeling obligated to ask how they are back, but the actual power of names. The effect they have; if someone calls your name, your identifier, you have to turn around and see what it is on principle. If you don't turn around to check, if you don't give your attention, you at least know you were called. Knowing someone's name gives us control over them, and likewise. The power of words, at least ones that we identify with, have such a hold over us and we never even think twice about it. It could be misconstrued as rude not to reply, but so much more goes into it than merely rudeness.
ReplyDelete-Eduardo R